Members of a popular internet forum rallied behind one woman who barred her mother-in-law from Thanksgiving over a seemingly obvious sign of disrespect.
In a viral Reddit post published on r/AmITheA******, Redditor u/TnksgvngThrowaway567 (otherwise referred to as the original poster, or OP) said she was scheduled to host her family for dinner and revealed why this year’s celebration would be missing one person from years past.
Titled, “[Am I the a******] for uninviting my MIL from Thanksgiving because she refuses to eat my cooking?” the post has received more than 8,400 upvotes and 2,600 comments since November 23.
“This year I [hosted] Thanksgiving at my house,” OP began. “I have been working all month on coming up with the menu and testing all my recipes.”
Continuing to explain that her husband was supportive throughout the entire preparation process, the original poster said just days before Thanksgiving, she was informed her mother-in-law would be bringing her own dinner to the family celebration.
The original poster also said that, despite her husband’s many arguments on behalf of his mother, she was infuriated by the notion of a guest turning up their nose at everything she’d prepared.
“My husband dropped the bombshell on me that his [mother] wants to bring her own dinner to eat when she comes over,” OP wrote. “I asked him why…[and] he just made excuses, saying I know his mother is a ‘grade A picky eater’ and she won’t ‘like’ anything.
“He argued that her bringing her own dinner would be a good compromise and I disagree,” OP continued. “It [would] be hugely obvious that she’s making a comment on my cooking and it would be humiliating to have her there eating something completely different…it’s like she’s trying to make a point of showing that my cooking isn’t good enough.
“I told him if she can’t eat anything here then she is welcome to stay home and eat whatever she wants,” OP added. “I don’t need the negativity of someone rejecting everything I’ve cooked and insulting my cooking when I’ve worked so hard.”
Though Thanksgiving has come and gone, leftovers remain in refrigerators and so does bad blood brought on by tension-filled family gatherings.
Despite an emphasis on gratefulness and time spent together, holidays like Thanksgiving can be quite contentious for families. And while food can facilitate bonds between loved ones, issues of hierarchy among family members can quickly lead to scrutiny and harsh judgment.
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“The holidays are a very special time of year and give us the opportunity to lead with kindness,” Dr. Carla Manly, psychotherapist and author of Joy From Fear, told Newsweek. “[But] when it comes to holidays and cooking, it is easy for some people to embrace a critical or judgmental mindset.”
Much like a stranger walking into a Western saloon, new family chefs are often subject to coolness from incumbent cooks, careful not to allow a perceived outsider to encroach on tradition.
This attitude can make for uncomfortable holiday gatherings and when that disapproval is put on full display, Manly told Newsweek, the intended purpose of coming together in celebration is effectively defeated.
“If a relative insists on bringing ‘good’ food to make a statement of superiority, perhaps they would be far better served to simply enjoy the truly good food the host makes and offers,” Manly said.
“Given that the holidays are all about focusing on love, joy and gratitude, our energy is much better spent embracing mindsets of kindness, appreciation and acceptance,” she added.
Throughout the comment section of the viral Reddit post, many Redditors echoed this sentiment, encouraging the original poster to focus on those who do enjoy her cooking, rather than those who do not.
“Yes, your [mother-in-law] is being rude and disrespectful,” Redditor u/pinetree8000 wrote in the post’s top comment, which has received more than 18,000 upvotes. “Here’s what you do…kill her with kindness.
“You and your other guests can enjoy your fabulous meal and your [mother-in-law] can listen to all the compliments you get for it,” they added.
Redditor u/ithinkerno, whose comment has received more than 8,000 upvotes, offered a similar response.
“This is one of those situations where the [mother-in-law] thinks she’s embarrassing OP but she’s really embarrassing herself,” they wrote.
“Your [mother-in-law] eating her own food won’t be humiliating to you…the only one that will be looked down on for her decision is her,” Redditor u/EwokCafe chimed in, receiving more than 2,500 upvotes.
“She’s the one behaving strangely, any judgment will be passed on her, not you,” they added.
Newsweek has reached out to u/TnksgvngThrowaway567 for comment. We could not verify the details of the case.
If you have a similar family dilemma, let us know via [email protected]. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.